8 Surprising Things That Happen When You Adopt a Rabbit

December 23, 2018 · 5 minute read

They’re number three. Rabbits are now the third most popular pet in America, after cats and dogs, according to the Humane Society of the United States. Yet, in most social circles, I’m the only one with a rabbit at home. While most of my friends have a dog or cat (or five), I’m the “rabbit girl” — that weird one with the pet they don’t really understand.

Becoming a rabbit’s human means you enjoy a unique bond with one of the world’s most misunderstood, adorable and quirky creatures. Over the years I’ve noticed that it also means a few other things:

1. You become a rabbit magnet.
Over the years, I’ve received it all from friends and family — rabbit figurines, rabbit picture frames, rabbit luggage tags, even rabbit-shaped paper clips (not that I mind). And now, social media makes it possible for people to send virtual rabbit-y things: rabbit memes, videos of rabbits eating raspberries; videos of rabbits running obstacle courses; links for rabbits available for adoption (even though I’m not looking); and many, many links to videos about Rabbit Island in Japan. Friends and family mean well. They don’t know anyone else with rabbits, so they funnel all things “rabbit” to you.

2. You hear terrible English accents.
I hate Monty Python. Actually, it’s not Monty Python itself I hate so much, but Americans rattling off the best-known phrases from Monty Python — in the worst English accents. And when you have a rabbit, you hear — a lot — painful renditions of the “killer rabbit” scene from the movie Monty Python and The Holy Grail.

An old boyfriend of mine used to burst into uncontrollable, almost falling-on-the-floor, drooling laughter whenever he saw my rabbit. She somehow reminded him of the “killer rabbit,” even though she didn’t look or behave anything like it. And a few years ago, when I brought a different bunny to visit my workplace, one of my coworkers — usually a very quiet and reserved guy — literally fell on the floor between cubicles, picked up my rabbit and held it to his neck while pretending to be attacked. My gentle bunny looked quite confused. My coworker looked like an ass.

3. You become a rabbit authority.
When you have a rabbit, people assume you are a rabbit expert. Friends may send panicked texts about wild baby rabbits in their yard (and you will tell them, usually, to leave them alone). Acquaintances will ask about adopting a rabbit for their child (and you will tell them it’s generally not a good idea). Yes, all this information is readily available on the internet, but friends and family will ask you first because, like, you must know.

4. You learn fascinating rabbit things.
And you learn much of it because people ask (see above). For example: domestic rabbits are not the same as wild cottontails — they’re only distant cousins and can’t interbreed. And rabbits aren’t hares. And rabbits come in hundreds of different breeds, like cats and dogs. They can learn to use litter boxes (all of mine have). And they’re lagomorphs, not rodents, and crepuscular, not nocturnal. And they have scent glands that sometimes need to be cleaned (yep, I’ve done it). And they make two kinds of poops; one of these, cecotropes, goes through their system — ahem — twice.

Rabbit behavior is even more interesting. Contrary to popular belief, they’re not like stuffed animals — they can be territorial and ornery, and may honk, box, thump and bite. Many won’t tolerate being picked up or held. They have particular social structures and may be very picky about who you try to bond them with — or may reject bonding with another rabbit altogether.

But when you’ve earned their trust, a rabbit’s behavior can also be hopelessly endearing and entertaining. They may binky (a “happy bunny” hop-dance), chin (chin-rub “their” items — which may include you) and even give kisses. I will gladly accept bunny kisses any day of the week.

5. People say stupid things.
There’s one in every crowd — the coworker, acquaintance or even stranger who jokes that your bunny “would make a great pair of gloves” — or hat, or rabbit’s foot keyring or hasenpfeffer. Usually these are cat or dog owners, so I just remind them that people in many parts of the world would gladly eat their pet. It’s only fair.

6. People won’t understand.
To many non-rabbit folks, your furbaby is “just a rabbit.” They don’t understand that the bond with your bunny can be just as strong as the bonds between humans and dogs, cats, horses, and other animals. You get to know the feel and scent of their fur, their moods, their habits and, in return, they come to recognize your voice, your touch and your scent. When you learn their language, you realize they have a lot to say. I know of bunnies who come when they’re called, follow their human around the house, and ask for treats and head rubs. The bunny bond is a powerful bond.

7. You become a member of a special club.
When you fall in love with a rabbit, you gain instant membership to a unique, wacky and incredibly diverse group of other humans owned by rabbits. And only they will truly understand the relationship you have with your long-eared lovelies. Through social media, I’ve connected with many of these folks. We share pictures, advice, laugh-out-loud stories about our crazy furkids (like that one about a bunny who flung a cecotrope across the room onto a TV screen) and mourn together when one hops over the rainbow bridge. No one “gets” it like other bunny folks.

8. You’ll be deeply loved.
Earn a bunny’s heart and you will enjoy one of life’s sweetest kinds of love. I’ve been lucky enough to know it many times.